When someone you care about is struggling, it is common to feel unsure what to say. Your calm presence can matter more than perfect words. Clear, direct questions and practical support can help keep someone safe. If you're worried about their immediate safety, it's okay to call the crisis lines in the banner above yourself — they're there for supporters too, not just the person in crisis.
A Few Things You Can Try Today
- Listen without rushing to fix the problem; reflect back what you hear and ask what support would help right now.
- If you are worried about suicide, ask directly, "Are you thinking about suicide?" Asking directly does not increase risk.
- Stay in touch after the immediate crisis passes. Checking in again in a few weeks, when attention from others has often faded, can mean a great deal and shows your care was not only for the acute moment.
When They Refuse Help
Sometimes the person you're worried about doesn't want help, at least not yet. That's genuinely hard to sit with, but in most situations you can't force someone into treatment (the narrow exceptions involve immediate danger, which emergency services handle). A few things tend to work better than pressure or ultimatums:
- Say what you've noticed and how it affects you, rather than diagnosing them: "I've noticed you seem really down lately, and I'm worried about you" lands differently than "You need therapy."
- Ask what, if anything, would actually feel useful to them, rather than deciding for them. "Nothing right now" is still useful information, not a failure.
- Make it easy to say yes later. One calm offer, repeated occasionally over time, tends to work better than repeated pressure in a single conversation. Let them know you're not going anywhere.
- Focus on what's actually in your control - your own boundaries, your own support, staying connected - rather than trying to control their choices.
If the refusal is tied to a specific fear (a bad past experience with a doctor or therapist, cost, or worry about being judged), naming that fear directly and problem-solving around it - like looking at sliding-scale options together, see Affordable Therapy - usually goes further than repeating "you should really go."
This is different from an immediate safety concern. If someone is in danger of harming themselves or someone else, use the crisis resources in the banner above rather than waiting for them to agree to help.
Caring for someone who won't accept support can wear you down. It's alright to have limits and to get your own support - Burnout has more on caregiver exhaustion, and talking to your own therapist or a support group for family members can help you sustain this over time.
Common Questions
Can I call a crisis line like Samaritans or 988 if I'm worried about someone else, not myself?
Yes. Crisis lines such as Samaritans (116 123, UK/Ireland), the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US), and similar services in other countries are there for anyone who is worried about a person's safety - friends, family members, teachers, even concerned strangers - not only the person who is struggling. You can call to talk through what you're seeing, ask what to say to the person, or get guidance on next steps. You don't need the other person's permission or presence to call.
Should I call for them, or encourage them to call themselves?
Both can help, depending on the situation. If you believe someone is in immediate danger, it's appropriate to contact emergency services yourself (911/999/000/112). If the danger isn't immediate, it's often more empowering to support the person in calling themselves - for example, sitting with them while they call, or offering to dial and then hand them the phone. Either way, calling a helpline yourself first to ask for advice is always a reasonable option.
What if the person doesn't know I've called, or wouldn't want me to?
Calling a helpline (not emergency services) for advice about someone else is confidential and doesn't require the other person's knowledge or consent - you're the one being supported by that call, even though it's about them. This is different from contacting emergency services to intervene directly, which is only appropriate when there is immediate danger to life.
Where to Go for More
- HelpGuide.org - Nonprofit guides for families, supporters, and people navigating mental health concerns.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - US immediate crisis support and information for helping someone safely.
- Crisis Text Line - US and Canada text support for people in crisis and supporters.
These are general starting points, not a diagnosis or a complete treatment plan.