If you self-harm, you're not alone, and you're not broken. For most people, self-harm (cutting, burning, hitting, or other ways of hurting your own body) is a way of coping with feelings that seem too big, too fast, or too numb to handle any other way: overwhelming distress, anger turned inward, or a need to feel something, or feel in control of something, when everything else feels out of control. It is not automatically the same thing as a suicide attempt, and having self-harmed does not mean something is wrong with you as a person. It does mean you deserve real support, not shame, and not a moment of that support withheld. This page won't describe specific methods of self-harm; that's deliberate, since detailed descriptions can end up making things harder rather than easier for some readers. What it offers instead is what tends to actually help, both right now and over time.
In the Moment: What Actually Helps
- Try to delay, even by a few minutes. Urges to self-harm are often intense but time-limited; they tend to rise, peak, and pass, even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment. Telling yourself "I'll wait 10 minutes and see how I feel" isn't about willpower, it's about giving the urge room to crest and ease without acting on it. If it's still strong after 10 minutes, that's alright, delay again.
- Give your body something intense but not harmful. Holding ice cubes or a cold pack, splashing cold water on your face, snapping a rubber band lightly on your wrist, doing intense exercise like sprinting on the spot or pushups, or biting into something very sour or spicy, can all provide a similarly sharp, grounding physical sensation without causing injury.
- Ground yourself in the present. The Grounding & Breathing tool has a simple 5-4-3-2-1 exercise (naming things you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste) that can help pull your attention out of the overwhelm and into your body and surroundings right now.
- Reach out, even briefly. Texting or calling someone, a friend, family member, or a crisis or peer support line, even just to say "I'm having a hard time," can interrupt the isolation that often makes urges stronger. You don't have to explain everything to ask for company.
- Use a written plan if you have one. If you've thought this through before, your Safety Plan can remind you, in your own words, what's helped before and who you can turn to. If you haven't made one yet, this can be a good moment to start, even a short one.
What's Normal, and What's a Sign to Get More Support
Many people who self-harm do so occasionally, sometimes only during a particularly difficult period, and are able to reduce or stop over time, especially with the right support. That's a common and workable pattern, not a life sentence.
It's worth getting more support, from a doctor or a therapist experienced in this area, if self-harm is happening often or getting more frequent, if the injuries are becoming more severe or need more care than you can safely give yourself, if it's the main or only way you're coping with distress, or if you notice it's escalating even when you don't want it to. None of that means you've failed; it means the underlying distress needs more tools and support than self-harm alone can safely provide, and that kind of help genuinely exists and genuinely works for a lot of people.
Self-harm and thoughts of suicide are two different things, but they can happen together. If you're also having thoughts of ending your life, or you're not sure whether you might act on an urge to seriously hurt yourself, please use the crisis support options in the banner above right now, or work through the Safety Plan tool. Self-harm on its own, without suicidal intent, doesn't automatically mean an emergency, but it always deserves to be taken seriously and cared for.
Caring for an Injury, Without Shame
If you have hurt yourself, cleaning the wound and, if needed, getting medical care matters, regardless of how it happened. Untreated wounds can become infected or cause more damage than intended. Urgent care clinics, walk-in clinics, and emergency rooms treat injuries every day without needing a full explanation of how they happened, and you don't owe anyone your whole story to get your body looked after. Being kind to your body afterward, cleaning a cut, resting, warmth, water, is not condoning what happened; it's simply part of taking care of yourself either way.
Supporting Someone Who Self-Harms
If someone you care about has told you they self-harm, or you've found out some other way, try not to panic, lecture, or issue ultimatums; those reactions, however well-meant, tend to push people to hide it rather than get help. Staying calm, staying connected, and asking how you can support them (rather than demanding they stop immediately) tends to keep the door open. The Supporting Someone page has more on how to help without taking over.
Where to Go for More
- HelpGuide.org - A practical, nonprofit guide to understanding self-harm, why it happens, and healthier ways to cope.
- LifeSIGNS - A UK user-led charity offering non-judgmental information and harm-reduction guidance for people who self-harm.
- S.A.F.E. Alternatives - A US-based clinical program offering information, screening, and treatment resources focused specifically on self-injury.
These are general starting points, not a diagnosis or treatment. If self-harm is frequent, severe, or linked to thoughts of suicide, please talk with a doctor or mental health professional.